Tuesday, August 11, 2009

SELECT COMPENDIUM OF FLAWS AT 32

Asymmetrical patch of stomach hair on left side, vaguely triangular
Bundle of tumorous blood vessels under left eye (benign), also known as spider angioma
Surgically implanted mesh threading the abdomen, denotes cyborg
Eyebrow hair of excess length, unruly
Missing rectangle of enamel on right central incisor, bottom left corner
Dry skin under beard, furtive
Scant intake of fruit, with exception of overpriced and bottled drinks
Extreme unction in the face of government-employed authority figures
Still paying rent
Has not read Proust
Dreadful lack of mastery as concerns any musical instrument: guitar, saw, child’s accordion etc.
Boring haircut, several years running
No progeny
Allergic to air conditioning
Annoying proclivity for stating obvious
Exceedingly catholic regard for cinema, untrustworthy partner
Narrow culinary skill set; mostly egg-, stew-, or sandwich-based
Unnecessary volume of alcohol consumption at parties wherein said alcohol is free
Unilingual: American-English
Raised, abrased patch of France-shaped scar tissue on right index finger; the result of a bizarre childhood injury involving a medieval Irish cannon
Compulsively punctual, read early

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